pure inspiration

ok dont laugh. i have just receive pure inspiration. it was almost like divine intervention. (not really but yeah)

tonight i read every single blog on our list. every single one. almost all of them that have recent posts are kind of emo. well emo is a bad word but kind of depressed or "something is wrong in my life". it got me to thinking.

almost all of us have written a poem or story or even have just written it down something that says "i am not good enough" or "life sucks" or even "life would be easier if i was dead."
now, whether or not we mean these things i dont know. i know i have meant mine. at this very point in time as i am snarfing my pizza and typing with greasy fingers, i feel some sort of inner turmoil. something is always wrong inside of me. i know that most of us feel this way. we feel that we fight and we fall and we get up and try our best but we always fall. this is life. we feel that we have too much to handle. we feel that we worry about too much trivial things. we fight within ourselves constantly.

ok here is the point of real inspiration:

are we all the same? most adults would tell us "no! all people have a different purpose and we are all different." or something along those lines. and yes. in my opinion they are half right. we are different. i have different hair color than my friend. i have different color of eyes. i have different talents. i enjoy different things.
now this is where i disagree with myself. yet inspite of all these differences, we are the same. almost to the exact thought. we constantly feel the same things. we feel inadequate. we feel suicidal. all the people my age are almost exactly the same feelings-wise as me. yet why do we feel so alone? why do we constantly feel that we are unsure of ourselves and our friends and our entire lives? we all feel this way. we feel it at different times and to different extents, but feel it we do.

why do we feel this way then? when i break apart and lose myself my parents always ask, "do you feel inadequate? do you feel suicidal? do you hate yourself?" for the most part sometimes this is true. yet the next day i put on my mask and i go about my day hiding it. but i know that we all feel the same! we are so tempremental! we hate, we love, we loathe, we laugh, we cry. is it the way we live? the chemicals floating through our minds and bodies are the same. we do the same thing day after day after day. we hide and we shrink away. we close. why is this? why in the world do we feel this way? \

does this mean at some point in our lives we are emo? or whatever you call it. does that make us cutters when we enjoy hurting ourselves? are we all at some point cutters?

if you have any answers or comments please say so. again this is not meant to be offensive. just my thoughts and feelings.

Boring

Ok so I havent posted for a while so here is recent news:
Today we had an orchestra rehersal 4 festival and Kelli, Hailey and I really wanted to walk home..but my dad wouldnt let us so we begged him to take us to QT which he surprised us all and actually did....yummy....lol.....thats my daddy.....very.......hmm laid back?
Lets see......today is the first day in like 43957489349 years I havent played soccer.....but I'll prolly kick a ball around in my backyard still. Tragicly my traveling soccer season is over -emotional breakdown- GO CROSSFIRE!! See everyone next season...ILY ALL!
What else.....well like my fish had babies again....but there was like some disease in there tank so a few died and a few were born, so the balance of life is ok..i guess..lol
Wow...life is pretty boring at the moment.....
[A little later]
Mmkkk I just heard about Kassidy and trents juggling record for soccer....and ima going to go play soccer until i can at least get a hundred.....be prepared for a funeral.....